You lead me in my dreams
I sat on the floor eating leftover spaghetti,
Drinking too-sweet gatorade
And thinking of new beginnings.
I thought of that night by the ocean,
And I thought of howling in laughter as the waves crashed over us.
I thought of water-style fighting and gripping the sand with my toes,
Of throwing inhibitions and sadness to the wind,
And I thought of you.
I remembered the way you twisted and punched,
And me dodging and retaliating as we trained.
“Krav is all about momentum and gravity,”
You taught me.
I thought of your soft, injured eyes,
And the iron soul behind them.
Because you and I, we’ve been hurt,
We’ve been shattered like the glassy streetlights,
Bare bulbs left to burn bright.
You and I, we fought through it,
You much older and wiser,
And I’m still a little young, but getting there.
You and I found new beginnings,
Flying far from home.
But no matter where we are,
And no matter what wilderness we wander,
No matter how much heartbreak we endure,
And remember, and survive –
And always will be
My Spartan sister.
I love those cheap, shitty Jack in the Box tacos.
And strawberry Fanta,
And loud music blaring in the car.
I love the windows open,
146 on the highway to hell,
howling loud and free to the roaring wind.
I love the crumbling gas stations,
Nighttime shambles and shifty concrete whispers –
Toss another 40 in because we’ve got a ways to go.
I love the way you move,
The way your hands lay on the steering wheel,
The wildcat stalk in your long willowy legs.
These journeys are yours and mine,
across the country and back again,
stitched together with heartbreak and humor,
And I love all the reminders of them.
And when I wake up in the middle of the night
With you wrapped around my body and my mind,
I remember that you’re my safest place –
And that nothing else matters.
Just know that I love you, boy –
And that I’m never giving up on you.